Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Awesome




I had the whole thing planned.
The 2014 untitled blog retrospective post!
I wrote it in my head already, but i'm not gonna type it and i'm not gonna post it.
Then last night i got some bad news, and i wrote a post about that instead.
But i'm not gonna post that either.
Not now anyway.

The thing is, 2014 has been too much and too big and too crazy for me to describe.
I wouldn't know where to start or how to describe it.
First of all, i've lost so many things.
Too many to count, but for starters: my home, my shop, my husband, my job, a few close friends, hope, an apprenticeship, security, my boyfriend, a life that made sense.
It sounds pretty bad and i've gotten more than a few "wow, you've had a rough year" comments recently, but for all the shit that's happened and all the things i've lost, it's nothing compared to what i've gained.
Which is myself, basically. And experience. Bravery. And the best friends i've ever had in my life.
I've gotten so much support from all over the world this year.
I now know that people generally are rooting for me, and want me to succeed, and knowing that friends and strangers from all over have so much faith in me, has made me a more confident person.
So i can't say 2014 has been a bad year.
The toughest of my life, maybe, but definitely not bad.
I've traveled alone several times, i've started learning a new language, i've gone on blind dates, gone up on a stage to sing in front of a room full of people, taken my top off in public to get an autograph on it, dressed the way i wanted, smoked a few cigarettes (they were gross, by the way), skated, danced, basically given very few fucks.
And i've had more fun this year alone than the last five years combined, possibly more!

It's the last day of the year and i'm still in my bathrobe, hungover from last night, cause i went out drinking to numb the pain of the previously mentioned bad news.
Not exactly healthy i know, but sometimes necessary!
And sitting here, writing this, i've never been more alone.
Like, this is probably the most alone i've been in my entire life.
And that's exactly how i wanna enter the new year.
Surrounded by good friends, but ultimately alone. Independent.
Cause that's how it's supposed to be, that's what my life is supposed to be right now.
My mantra this year has been "strength in solitude" and maybe it will continue to be in 2015.

So yeah, bad shit happened to me a lot this year, but when bad shit happens to me, i've learned to deal with it in a new way.
I become more awesome.
That sounds so douchey, i know, but i do and it works!
I take the pain, the hurt, the deceit and i let myself really feel that shit. I grieve for what i've lost.
That's what i'm doing today.
But when the grieving is over, i try to make myself a better person.
I step it up a notch.
And that's what i plan to keep doing.

Be more awesome. Be less trusting. Be a good friend. Be unafraid. Be a fucking unicorn.

I got my last pictures back from the lab yesterday (finally!) and i have the most beautiful Mexico photos edited, uploaded, and ready to post... but i'm more than a little mad at Mexico right now, to be honest, so it wouldn't feel right to post them today.

So instead i'm posting some maybe not-as-good photos from a trip to Denmark this summer.
I went with some of my best friends to visit my family in Bisserup.
We had a magical time.
And that's what i wanna take from this year.
Friends and family.
Not the lying, the cheating, the hurt.
Just myself, my friends and my family.

Hey, this turned into a retrospective post after all!

Have a fun and safe New Years Eve, everyone.
Thanks for sticking with the untitled blog through the longest slump ever, you're the best readers a lazy blogger like me could hope for.
I hope that we're all somehow able to make 2015 the best year of our lives.


















10 comments:

  1. Thank you for that post. I wish you the best for the new year! Keep on writing, keep being awesome! Thank you!

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    1. Thank you for reading, hope you had a great New Years! :)

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  2. I have been following your posts again recently. Maybe its because we have had a similar year. I have never left a comment. But have been following you for years. And so did my ex wife. We had a min pin. We tattoo. And she loved you. In a way this is hard for me to post to you. But in a way it is such a similar situation. I lost so much in 2014. My shop. My home. My wife. All of my friends. My hope. My dignity. The reason I am posting this is to hope you a much better new year. And I hope mine can be better as well. And as well as my ex wife Jessie. I wish her the best and miss her so much. Thank you for keeping us positive and hoping for better years, better months, better weeks..better moments. Stay strong.

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    1. Wow, i'm so sorry for you loss. Losses. It does sound like we have a lot in common. And i get how reading my blog and posting a comment would be hard. I have a lot of things, like music or places, that are a little toxic to me now, because of the memories. So i appreciate your comment a lot.
      I am lucky in the sense that i have moved on, but there are still ghosts, and i hope 2015 will rid me of them once and for all.
      And i hope it will for you too. Everything we've lost will eventually lead us to where we're supposed to be. I hope!
      I wish you all the best :)

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  3. Tak for endnu et godt indlæg. Dine posts har været inspirerende. For selvom jeg ikke har oplevet det samme, så har 2014 været et turbulent år - og det er fedt og inspirerende at læse om viljen til ikke at give op, og om at få det bedste ud af tingene. Og selvfølgelig er der også kede dage - det ville være mærkeligt hvis de ikke var der.
    Du er en sej dame!

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    1. Jeg har godt nok sådan en dag i dag, og det lyder som om (fra twitter) at du også har... men jeg tror lidt at det har mest at gøre med mørke og tømmermænd, så jeg satser på at det gode humør er tilbage snart.
      Tak fordi du gider både læse med, og kommentere. det gør mig enormt glad!

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  4. Fuck yeah!!! I love this new you. And look, it's only been a few months and you're already rebuilding, making new, growing...

    One thing, you are not allowed to start smoking cigarettes. Because I say so. I am the boss of your cigarette smoke inhalation. >:( You think of that frowny face next time a smoke comes your way, lol.

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    1. I know, i always give myself a hard time for not moving on from stuff faster, but i think i'm just impatient really.
      And i promise that new me only occasionally smokes part of a cigarette when she's really wasted. Luckily i still think they're gross once i sober up haha!

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