As a kid, sure, but in my adult life, i always wanted to be, but instead i always had boyfriends, and boys that were friends, and after a while, i guess i started to feel not 100% comfortable with other women, save for maybe a few trusted longtime girlfriends.
I mean, i like clothes and shoes and girly shit as much as the next person, but the female group dynamic always felt awkward and sometimes too competitive to me.
Mostly awkward, though, and the awkwardness was mostly provided by me, i'm sure!
For years i secretly envied other women's close circles, and i often felt alone in a sea of girlfriend-couples when i was out shopping or walking around Copenhagen by myself.
And of course there's the fact that i was also married to a dude, who was my best friends for so many years, and for a long time i didn't feel like really needed other friendships than that one.
Obviously, that's all changed now!
And actually for the better.
When news of the breakup got out, i got such overwhelming support from other women, both on the internet and in real life.
On the internet, they posted sweet and supportive comments, sent me messages telling me how good i was doing, and just generally cheered me on.
The fact that most of my posts were all of a sudden half naked selfies didn't even seem to bother anyone!
I've always had awesome internet friends, so i wasn't surprised that they were being sweet and supportive, but the amount of people who cared, and the sincerity of their emails and comments were still overwhelming.
But the real surprise for me was the friends i've made in real life since becoming single.
And the most surprising thing was probably that these friends, these awesome people, were already in my life to begin with, i'd just been too caught up in couple-life to fully notice.
The friends i've made after i became more open and aware, which i sooo wasn't before, they make time to hang out with me, even though they're all in happy relationships.
And even though they would maybe sometimes rather be on the couch with their man, they still say yes pretty much whenever i wanna go shopping, or have a craft night, or go for cocktails. Or whatever other stupid idea i throw out there!
As women we often get told that we're bitchy and catty, and that we're each others worst enemies, and i'd just like to take a moment to call bullshit.
No friendships are drama free, especially not if you're a big group of friends that all know each other, but i often see more boy shit than girl shit amongst my friends.
Or at least just as much!
The girlfriends i've made since opening up to getting to know people are fucking awesome, smart, creative, and just as offensive and hilarious as any guy friend i've ever had, and even though they're not all gonna last forever, cause hey, nothing does, i'm still super grateful for having them at all.
Sorry for the rant, but i guess with this post i'm just trying to say thanks?
Going from being half of the most twosomest of twosomes, to being on my own for the first time in many years, would have been really hard without this rather huge support system i never even knew i had!
Spring! I want every day to be like this one...
Flea market finds from a few weeks ago (yes, those records are already in the house, but i need to start building up my own Bruce collection now!)
Guest room peek
I baked some weird paleo-ish bread, and it was actually pretty good!
I should make more...
This is Beatrix, she came to stay with us for a few days while her humans were out of town
Shop selfie, just because
Coolest bookstore in Schöneberg?
Yellow legs that should have been yellow pants
Finally some daylight in my apartment
Books at Boxhagener Platz, my new favorite Sunday spot
Last Sunday i found this awesome globe, and i'm already a little sad that i won't have time to go this Sunday
One of my most favorite people, Nick, is here and staying in my apartment, but he hasn't been the only visitor... Jon came to stay for a week and brought three other awesome new friends!
I hadn't seen this guy in 5 years, but it felt more like 5 months
I've wanted these for so long, but because i stole the idea from Jon, he was the only guy for the (very quick) job!
The shop has had so many guest artists recently too, which means... bars... i'm ok with that, though, Berlin bars are pretty cool (apart from the indoor smoking, obviously)
Cocktails + secondhand smoke unfortunately means massive hangovers, and this was taken during a pretty brutal one
At another cool bar with awesome ladies the very next day
But most nights it's just me and this guy on the couch... we finally gave up on Breaking Bad (sorry friends who love it!) and started Community
Oh yeah, and on Monday i went from this....
..... to this!
I have another appointment in 6 weeks where i'll hopefully go even lighter....
i'm expecting at least a 20% increase in fun being had!
My weight loss has been kind of stagnant recently, probably because i've had to eat out more?
But i'm still working out every morning, and slowly getting super strong, as i'm sure you can tell!
Speaking of twosomes, i am in no hurry to part of anything like that again. Not anytime soon.
I've realized how quickly i used to rebound my way into a new relationship, and how super fucking unhealthy that was.
I remember the last time i was single (well, barely, cause that was a long ass time ago!) i was basically miserable and couldn't wait to find a man to validate my existence.
This time around is so completely different, cause i don't feel broken and i know my own worth.
I know that i'm awesome, and i really don't need a man around to remind me all the time.*
And i'm discovering that living alone is pretty great!
Even just getting up in the morning, doing my workouts, making myself breakfast, or hanging out in my apartment by myself at night, just regular normal stuff for other people, feels all special to me, because i've never actually done it before without the sadness.
And feeling good about being alone more than makes up for the few obvious things i'm missing out on!
*I am over my man-hating phase now, though! Not that it lasted very long, but it's still good to be back to liking dudes.